Far to much

I am not having one of those anxiety attacks, It just seems that there is so much going on in my life that i can't get a grasp on what I truly need to do. I am living in a blender and everything is spinning around so fast i can't seem to hold on to even a thought for long enough to ponder it. But my demeanor is so calm and collected and serene. I know I will get through this annoyance, that keeps me from feeling on edge , while I lay on my bed, trying to work out the plan to solve the crazy mix of errands i only wish sleep was one of them.

Damaged

Upon seeing that so many people I know seem to be having these problems with the love in their lives. I have decided to reflect.......Where is the point that you begin to give up on continually trying to allow someone to see that you are an amazing person? Do you ever give up? This horrible unacquainted love seems so sad. The fact that people have such a hard time just finding it in their hearts to love each other just makes me sick. The only conclusion, or I guess compassionate remark is, it is such a loss for the person who does not see what is right in front of them. Over said and over used but so true. Are you wrong to just say nothing, wanting and waiting, keeping all this bottled inside? Why is it sometimes one needs to work so hard to make someone understand how deep love and admiration works? I keeps people damaged and broken, but everyone keeps on toughing it , piddling away at the battle we call love.

Stuck for today

I always think of the great things I want to do or the amazing person I would like to become. Why do I feel is if life is this long race for things I must accomplish and do immediately.Possibly it is fact I am young and so eager to explore the world that folds out before me.I expect that no one really wants to be what everyone else ends up, just some normal person with a normal life and a daily routine. But the fact is that very few people truly live out this amazing dream they have in their head about their future. They do things like get married and have kids and buy houses, and go on vacation twice a year. They might make one trip to a far away land and explore very little of this amazing earth. Try as I may to not feed into the stream of people who lead these average lives, there is little I can do to escape. The fear of losing all of the comforts of my uber techno savvy life lead me to my daily goal of earning money, working a job I dislike very much and loath more and more everyday.To break free of this value of money I would be doing something so few can, disregarding the impact of society and breaking the rules. Living without money or value is so incomprehensible I don't believe I could ever be that free! But I guess the choices are to go back to my daily life and continue my path, wishing to get out of this routine or actually take the leap and do something about it, and quit my bitching.

The moments I miss my dad

My dad had such an impact on who I am today. I think the passion for learning about new and distant places was something he always carried around in his heart. He always had an amazing story to tell everyone about. I feel he lost some vital part of himself at a young age and spent the rest of his lifetime trying to pick up pieces of his broken dream. I used to love how he would cook for me whenever I stayed at his house. Most often it was chicken noodle soup, made in the crock-pot. Coming home and feeling like he had put so much time into something for me was amazing. No one has ever matched the love I felt from my father. I know he did everything he could for me, he would have sacrificed anything to make me happy. At the time I was so ungrateful and unaware of the world, I did not see that he was on a horrible downward spiral. There were moments I wished that things had gone different for him but I think what made such a great man was that he had gone through so many different things and survived.

Sometimes when I am sitting in my living room, listening to music , I think back to our basement in Kennesaw , GA. My dad loved music and was so eager to share all of it with anyone who would listen. He pulled each record out like it was a new adventure we were about to descend into. He would turn up songs and artists playing tracks that after time, I would learn to know as the classics of rock and roll. I was in love with the Beatles by the time I was six.The Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, Alice Cooper, The Grateful Dead, Crosby ,Stills, Nash , and even Young all were regulars in my childhood. The proudest moment for me was taking my father to this huge music festival, Big Cyprus, Phish was having for new years. Having him finally experiencing something I could give back. Sharing the music with him and enjoying something new unlike he had ever seen. I am glad that we had that fleeting moment.